Balance and Tightropes

A hush falls over the crowd. Lights are dimmed and all eyes in the big top are fixed upward. Suspenseful music keeps everyone in a trance where they don’t dare look away. A man dressed in a white leotard and a billowing white blouse inches across a wire. He holds a long pole stretching out at each side to help establish some sense of equilibrium. Finally, he makes it to the other side. The man bows dramatically to the applauding audience below, but he isn’t finished. He attaches a small round disc to a pole that rises up over his head. An equally bedazzled woman climbs onto his shoulders and positions herself on the circle where she exhibits grace (as well as a lot of trust to her partner) while performing carefully orchestrated yoga poses while the man makes his way back to where he started. The two execute a carefully choreographed dance in a beautiful example of synchronicity, faith, and above all else . . . balance.

Tight rope walkers balance beautifully and skillfully. Their world is high above on a thin steel wire. They make their work look effortless. From below, their balancing act is often stressful to watch.

Our tightrope walkers take their time because it matters to be careful and pay attention to detail. It takes training to do it right. It also takes training for us to walk our metaphorical tightropes successfully. Finding balance in day to day life can be as challenging as on the hire wire.

Finding balance is all about figuring out what you value and then aligning your activities and time spent on those values.

I am clear on what I value and have successfully matched those values to chosen activities. It’s tougher to manage my time so I stay balanced and am not overwhelmed.

Finding balance while living with cancer challenges me almost daily. It seems these days treatment and health appointments are scheduled almost weekly. I spend time on some aspect of fundraising for more metastatic breast cancer research almost every day. Focusing on it can consume a lot of my time. It is exciting, worthwhile, and entirely my choice. It also stresses me out.

How do I fix it? I won’t stop my fundraising efforts. I am getting good results even though it is taking a lot of time. Hard work and effort yield positive results. The solution could involve less blogging, but I don’t want this to be the case. Oncology medical stuff gets a lot of my time. Both blogging and fundraising are taking the majority of the time I have left. I’m not balanced. FYI – if there is a week where I do not post, I am more than fine. It means I just needed a break. Something has to give. It isn’t going to be me.

Spending more time in nature is going to be a conscious effort on my part.

Reading is going to be scheduled, which makes me feel a little too structured, but I need to do it in order to create more balance.

Working out will continue to be a priority.

I am going to schedule downtime and just BE.

Doing some sort of meditative practice again will help. Even if it’s only five minutes a day, the benefits will affect everything else.

Accepting help will also be good. I can think of two examples where I recently did this and I was okay not controlling everything.

One powerful word that I’ve found to give me more personal balance is the word NO. Leave work at work. Respectfully decline an invitation if you have no other plans than not having any other plans. It’s perfectly acceptable to say no without having to explain or justify your reasons. Not explaining is freeing. It goes something like this: “No, I can’t make it. Thank you.” It’s polite and firm. It’s worth asking why anyone really needs more information if you have already said no.

“Balance is not better time management, but rather better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.” ~ Betsy Jacobson

Holding boundaries I have set with others will absolutely help me achieve more personal balance. Boundaries define what I will accept from others. They reflect how I show love to myself. When I apply the idea of boundary management to myself,  I still believe there is time management involved. How I choose to spend my time and energy is important.

Balance is a mixture of boundaries, priorities, choices, and time. How much of my day is reasonable to dedicate to writing and fundraising? My plans are to exercise in the morning, do whatever my work is that day in the afternoon, read at night. Yes, I’ll need to be flexible, but one day isn’t going to be consumed by anything – unless it’s a medical day. Those are still pretty consuming.

Squirrels know how to balance really well. Those darn creatures scamper across telephone poles with speed and ease. What makes this so? Does the squirrel lead a balanced life? I’ve always thought it must be rather monotonous. All they do is dig and bury things, chase one another, and run on wires. They dash out into roads and dart out of traffic just in time. They try to get into my squirrel proof bird feeder to no avail. Is this the squirrel version of work, play, and risk-taking? Maybe they have it all figured out.

I don’t think squirrels know more than I do. My brain is considerably bigger. I think the telephone wire is much like the sidewalk. It’s all proportional. I don’t fall off the sidewalk just as the squirrel doesn’t fall from the wire. But I still feel like I lose my balance from time to time.

We all lose our balance. It’s inevitable, and when it happens, it’s important to reset to your own vibration and needs and not to someone else’s. A person living well with cancer will be balanced differently from someone else. I know I keep searching for an answer on how this best works for me. It changes a lot.

The goal of finding balance is not to be a tight rope walker walking without a net and balancing someone on your shoulders while juggling bowling balls. The goal of finding balance should be to be mindful of what you are choosing to do with your time and feeling a lightness with those choices. I want to stay in that space where balance and lightness meet. Some call it peace. Some call it happiness. Some call it breathing. It all circles back to loving self-care so you don’t have to feel like you’re walking on a tightrope. Leave that balancing act to the professionals.

Fires, Tigers, and Trees

One way I have thought about my life has been to picture myself walking along a well-worn path that I know well. I know where various landmarks are, benches, scenic overlooks, my favorite trees, and where the path leads. While walking, I discover a blazing fire in front of me that blocks my way. I can see through the fire to where I want to be, but I can’t get there. There also is a saber tooth tiger off to the side, growling and gnashing its teeth. Looks fierce as saber tooth tigers do. I can’t get past the fire or the tiger.

I have come to see the fire as medical obstacles I encounter that I seem to regularly be up against (tests, side effects, policies that are in place for no patient centered good reason, etc.). Seemingly forever changing government restrictions placed on me surrounding disability are the saber tooth tiger. Let’s throw a downed tree across the path for good measure because sometimes (always) other events develop if only to keep me on my toes.

After countless times running right up against these and being burned, scratched, and blocked, I am tired of using my essential energy in attempts to break through to the other side of these obstacles to live what I saw as the life I was supposed to have. My life is different from that vision. After repeated attempts, I’ve noticed a path far, far off to the side that I didn’t notice at first. Where did it come from? Had it always been there?

Although I don’t know where it exactly leads, it may very well be

a . . . .

perfectly . . .

good . . .

path.

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Hmmmm. No fire. No tigers. No downed trees. I may walk happily and go the distance on this path. Perhaps it is even a better path. Now that’s a surprising thought. The best decision for me is to walk over to it and make it my own. And so I have.

Where my attention goes is where my energy flows. I want to focus on more affirming thoughts and words about my health, my relationships, and my future. My energy goes to walking on this path.

Creating a personal mission statement helps form a vision of where I see myself heading in the next five years.

A personal vision or mission statement combines purpose with your own set of abilities, strengths, and talents. My new mission needs to incorporate good health, some kind of teaching component, and my values. It’s a challenge to narrow it down to one sentence, but keeping it simple strips it down to what’s most important. Here’s my sentence: I must be healthy so I can teach through example and live my values joyfully, sharing my gifts with people to make a positive difference.

Where do you see yourself five years from now?

To create your own personal mission statement, you need to explore your core values. Answer the following questions to provide a framework for developing a mission statement of your own:

  • What are my top three core values?
  • Whose work or profession do I admire?
  • If I could afford to work without pay, what would I do?
  • What are my natural talents?
  • What did I love to do as a child?

Sometimes what comes to mind first isn’t always the right answer. As a child, I loved to climb the big locust tree in the front yard. There was adventure and a little risk. If I climbed high enough and stood on precariously thin branches, I could see Lake Mendota in the distance. Yet, I never considered becoming a professional tree climber. Thank goodness! Being in nature is something I still enjoy. I would happily spend time hiking wooded trails and wouldn’t need to be paid so much as a dime to do so. I also loved going to school and then playing school when I got home. Teaching fit. It included core values and encompassed natural talents. I became a teacher.

My path is different from what I thought it would be. What each of us can do is to walk whatever our path is with courage, dignity, and grace. I believe there is a lot of choice in terms of how we walk. Look for a beautiful path where there aren’t too many obstacles in your way. If there are, it may be time to find another path.