‘Tis the season for gift giving.
I grew up in a family that was a bit over the top with the number of presents that my parents gave to their children. Discovering the floor covered with gifts under the tree on Christmas morning was such joy. There were toys as a child, then lots of clothes as a teen, and then more grownup gifts in adulthood.
My Holly Hobby doll was a favorite Christmas present. Santa brought her all the way from the North Pole one year. She played outside with me and still has a smudge on her right hand from some adventure. She even came on a couple of family vacations. We survived traveling cross country together long before the days of seat belt legislation. I remember riding in the front seat sitting on my mom’s lap while holding Holly Hobby on mine. That car had no central air conditioning. Sometimes my mom held both her daughters and our dolls at the same time despite a perfectly good back seat. Holly Hobby is still with me and lives on one of the beds in a guest room with the Bucky Badger I got another year from Santa. I know it would be nice if someone played with them again, but I decided long ago they both were staying with me. I’ve always been too sentimental.
Jewelry made excellent gifts as I grew older. Pearls and gemstones are treasured gifts that are more meaningful to me today than when I got them. I think I need to wear these more often to dress up my yoga pants and more relaxed attire.
Gifts of lesser monetary value carry meaning, too. My dad was especially vocal about how he liked tennis balls that I received one year as one of my birthday gifts. It has become a running joke with a friend of mine years later. I liked the tennis balls, too.
Christmas will be different this year because of the pandemic. Gifts will likely be exchanged and opened by myself at home with some type of video connection. A cold garage idea was floated but I am not excited about that option. Home by the hearth works for me.
Holidays can be hard.
It was simpler when Holly Hobby or tennis balls was all it took to make me smile. I could give my dad an Old Spice soap on a rope and my mom a knick-knack decoration and all was well in our worlds.
There truly is very little I need in terms of material goods. I am fortunate to be able to buy what I need. It ensures I get what I want without waiting. Amazon Prime hasn’t helped. Giving myself gifts and treats are an important part of my self-care. Can I share a secret? Having just shared I don’t feel I’m too materialistic, I’m going to wrap my gifts to myself this year and put them under my tree.
To me, from me.
An unprecedented year calls for some new moves of my own.
Experiences and time together are more valuable gifts to me. I still want to get to Sedona. I’d like to eat inside restaurants. I would love to have friends gather in my home. I would just like to see friends in person. Anywhere. The biggest factor is what my life looks like after there’s a vaccine for COVID-19. I’d rather hang out with my friends than have some big extravaganza event that is stressful. Some may enjoy extravaganzas. Not my cup of tea. I’d enjoy that cup of tea in a relaxed setting much more.
I have the gifts of family, friends, and a beautiful home where I feel safe. I receive top notch health care. I am kind and have a good sense of humor. These are all priceless gifts. Call it the holiday spirit, but my life is good. Cancer is not good, but my life is good.
What makes good gifts for someone with cancer?
A permanent cancer zapper would be perfect.
Good gifts should match a person’s interests. It doesn’t hurt to ask if something is needed or what might be appreciated. Please skip the pink crap, cancer ornaments, or things that take up a lot of space. Food may be welcome, but some of us have dietary restrictions we are trying to follow or may not tolerate spicy foods. I remember a couple home cooked meals I received as part of meal trains when going through initial chemo in 2012 that were exactly what I needed. Gift cards for takeout or delivery are thoughtful. Books are great if you know what kind of writing or favorite authors someone likes to read.
Experiences are the type of gifts that mean a lot to me. Tickets to a show. Listening to a concert. An afternoon history lecture. A gift certificate for a massage. Hiking someplace I’ve never been. All of these aren’t possible during a pandemic. Hiking is possible but I am hesitant to venture somewhere less traveled on my own where I could get lost. I’ve gotten lost twice before on hikes. I’m not looking for a stressful adventure. Some familiarity is welcome during crazy times.
One former colleague I have known for years does something incredible for gifts. She and the adults in her family don’t exchange presents but pitch in together and make a substantial donation to a charity they agree upon. Last year it was my fundraiser for metastatic breast cancer research. It blew me away but is a gift idea that has stuck with me.
If this idea appeals to you, here are a few possibilities that do research or support cancer research:
Mary Gooze is a friend of mine. She is the one amazing woman behind One Woman Many Lakes and creator of the More For Stage IV Fund. Both links above will lead you to the same site to donate. Incidentally, Mary is planning to raise $70,000 for the Stage IV fund for her 70th birthday in June of 2021. She has a separate fundraising page set up to track those donations you can find here.
As always, thoroughly research how money you donate is used and how much is allocated for research. For full disclosure, I am partial to research happening at Carbone Cancer Center if you couldn’t tell from the multiple times I’ve shared their link. I know there are many reputable research facilities making worthy strides in research. Here are a few others that I have heard good things about outside of Wisconsin. I always look for pull down tabs for metastatic breast cancer research or a way to direct a donation for research to a specific cancer type such as childhood, lung, colon, prostate, etc.
A donation to research is a great gift any time of year.
Holly Hobby, tennis balls, and even jewelry aren’t bad either.
Happy gift giving to you as you go about making the world a bit brighter this season.
Winston Churchill once said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”
Giving is a common theme this time of year. Thanksgiving and Christmas both remind us to show thanks for the gifts in our lives. Giving is just as meaningful as receiving, perhaps even more so.
Material gifts are one of the first things that many think of when they think of giving. Advertisements of cars tied with giant red bows, glittery diamonds in tiny boxes, and shelves filled with toys or home appliances bombard us nonstop this time of year. These types of gifts cost money regardless of how good of a deal is offered. There is nothing wrong with gifts that cost money.
Giving doesn’t have to cost a lot. I want to focus on these simple and meaningful ways to give. Small gestures can be highly fulfilling. Buying someone a cup of coffee or a cookie works. Bake muffins for an elderly neighbor. Buy mints and leave them anonymously on co-workers’ desks.
Giving doesn’t have to cost anything. Passing along books to the corner little free library gives someone else a book you enjoyed. Bagging up clothes for clothing drives recycles clothes you’ve outgrown and is a great way to declutter. Rake leaves or shovel for someone. Send your child’s teacher a thank you email. If your child is grown, send a thank you to a former teacher. No kids? Find a teacher and thank them anyway.
Some of the gifts I’ve kept as a teacher have been notes and pictures given to me by my students. I’ve kept a few letters from parents, too. They haven’t cost a cent but have high value for me. Cards are special in today’s world of emails and texts. I love getting cards. I equally love sending them. Letting someone know you’re thinking about them is a great gift.
Here are a few other ways to give that are free:
Be emotionally available. Make the time to listen. Don’t try to fix anything. Being supportive is listening – not fixing, micromanaging, or criticizing. Don’t switch the conversation back to you and your life. Just listen. Listening and being emotionally available are gifts to someone.
Time is a gift. Carving out those moments for a standing phone call or favorite activities is time well spent. I love to walk and talk. Nature, exercise, and good company are seldom beat. And yes, I want more time. I have lots I still need to do. The time I’ve been given is priceless. I still want more and always will. Not having time is unfair. I don’t want to waste mine.
After that, it’s time for a joke. Laughter is another type of gift. Here goes: Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play. Continue reading when you’ve stopped laughing (or groaning).
Other ways to give are through volunteering, random acts of kindness, and caring for the environment. I often wonder what would happen if we placed little notes on people’s desks, in mailboxes, in children’s rooms that simply read, “I noticed what you did earlier. Thank you.” Maybe you saw them do nothing, but a little mystery never hurt anyone. Chances are the person would have done one kind thing they could identify. I bet it would make people feel pretty good and have a ripple effect.
A sincere and specific compliment goes a long way. People can sense when someone isn’t being honest. It drives me nuts when someone rattles off what is supposed to be a compliment but doesn’t even look me in the eyes. Nonverbal cues matter. It’s okay if a compliment isn’t reciprocated. You aren’t giving one just to get one. People who don’t receive compliments hopefully still are deserving of them and need to hear them the most. Overworked nurses, grocery checkers, coffee baristas, the person at the drive-through all are people with feelings who may be having a bad day. One kind word, smile, or compliment can turn someone’s day around.
Giving of yourself, your time and your talents, is one of the greatest gifts a person has to give. Teaching has been one of the largest gifts I have had to give in my life. I’d like to think my words are another gift. Cancer has NOT been a gift, let me be absolutely clear on that point. I won’t deny I have been driven to change things that I likely wouldn’t be doing if I wasn’t living with metastatic breast cancer. I am working to make a difference so others like me receive more empathy from providers, patients remain the focus of health care, and that research for metastatic breast cancer receives more funding so that more treatment options are available and more effective for patients. It is a lasting gift I can make possible for others that provides hope.
Many choose to give this time of year through charitable donations. Charitable giving has merit. GIVING TUESDAY IS TUESDAY. There are many worthy charities. Here is my reminder to always ask HOW donated money is being used. Does it go to research? Supporting patients? Programs? Promotional products? Administrative costs? Does the charity support or oppose other causes and beliefs you deem important? If you give money, you have a right to know where it goes. Follow it. If interested, you can give here to UW Carbone where 100% of donations go toward research directed to metastatic breast cancer. Scroll to the bottom of my page to see a video message from me.
Finally, remember to give yourself what you need. I treat myself often because it makes me feel good. It also ensures I get what I want. Care for yourself well. I am no stranger to giving myself what I feel are well-deserved gifts. I take good care of myself in that respect. I will take trips, get massages, buy jewelry, and treat myself to good food. I give myself opportunities to exercise because being as healthy as possible is another gift that no one can give me other than me.
Gifts need to be directed toward something good.
I try to do that.
Winston Churchill’s words ring true today. Giving is how we make a life. I will keep finding a way to make my life by what I give.
Find a way to give. Always.