From Fog to Focus

Welcome back! Yesterday, I wrote about how chemo fog can affect day-to-day cognitive functioning for those receiving cancer treatments. Now on to the fog you see when you look out a window and can’t see a darn thing except fog. It’s as if the world comes to a halt, only extending as far as your range of vision.

Literary images of fog usually contain some lurking figure in the distance that’s barely discernible, but is there waiting. A lone figure limps across the isolated barren moor in a horror tale. Fog fills uninviting alleys. Fog mysteriously envelops a person and he or she disappears forever.

Most of us are more familiar with this type of fog. You can’t see your mailbox from an inside window looking out. An outstretched arm in front of your face is invisible. Driving in fog is frightening when you can’t see anything in front of you, and you inch along using the white line at the side of the road as a guide. Too much hope is placed on that white painted line.

Planes are grounded. Ships don’t sail. People are cautioned to stay off the road.

Fog limits visibility.

Or does it?

For planes, ships, and cars, the answer is yes. Fog forces us to slow down. People get so busy running from one thing to the next that they scarcely know what their thoughts even are. They live race car lives going at break neck speed around the same track over and over. These cars go nowhere. You can get off the racetrack. Slowing down gives time for thoughts and ideas to change, develop, and strengthen. It may be a subtle shift from not knowing to knowing.

Foggy days have their advantages. I like them. For me personally, fog has reflective benefits. Fog offers introspection and time to think. When fog settles in around the house and changes plans, I just take a step back and wonder what it is I’m being given the opportunity to figure out. Then I proceed to hunker down and figure it out.

Fog leads us to knowing.

In many ways I found myself in foggy territory while I was on leave from teaching. Eventually, it became clear to me that there were more reasons, better reasons, to retire than to return. I have not known what would unfold at oncology appointments or what choices would be best for me. Eventually, I would get information or a feeling that would sway me in a particular direction. There have been relationships I have been unsure about, but when I looked at repetitive patterns, my choices suddenly seemed obvious. It takes time. I need to sit in the fog for that subtle shift to happen.

Last winter brought my part of Wisconsin several foggy days. Plans changed again, and I just planned an indoor day. There was nowhere to hurry, no “have tos” that day, and more of a relaxed pace. When you know you don’t have to go anywhere, there is no worry and anxiety. You are safe in your slippers inside drinking some green tea with pomegranate with you feet propped up. Maybe the world needs more foggy days.

Fog leads to clarity.

Some years I identify a word as a theme for the year. My word for 2019 is FOCUS. At the end of 2018, I was walking in the arboretum imagining thoughts of the year ahead materializing just a few steps ahead of me on the path. Nature really reveals a lot. I heard words of warmth, feeling, and finally focus. I am not sure what big feelings I will have. Maybe it’s a reminder to rely on my intuition and trust my feelings. I am also not sure of what exactly is the significance of the word focus. I waited for more, but nothing came.

It was a cloudy day, but not foggy.

I decided something would happen to let me know where my focus needed to be.

My focus continues to be on my health and happiness. Both are continued works in progress.

It can’t always be sunshine and blue skies. Rain clears away what a person no longer needs. Winds carry new and old away. Winter gives the earth a chance to rest and eventually renew.

And the fog, whereas it first seems like it closes in and confines someone, it redefines. Fog offers a moment in time that is a respite from reality. When it lifts, it has the potential to offer clarity, freedom, and direction. Let it roll in and sit with it for a while. When it’s ready and you’ve had time to sort through confusion, it will roll out, leaving you behind with clarity on what needs to happen.

Sometimes fog just happens and it isn’t safe to be out.

You can’t find clarity wandering around aimlessly on a foggy moor or driving down a road you can’t see. They are lonely and scary places.

Wait until you can see.

The fog will lift.

Today I feel rather foggy on the inside. I don’t have much “ummph.” I think it’s a good day to get super comfy and listen to what messages I may be trying to send myself. Maybe I’ll take a nap and awaken back in a world of sunshine and warmth. Maybe it’s less foggy in my dreams.

Consider responding:

  • How do you find clarity and purpose when you feel foggy?


Chemo Brain

Chemo fog is also commonly referred to as chemo brain. It is like weather related fog in that a person just can’t see clearly or get much done. You go through the motions, but life lacks luster. You can’t shake being tired when you wake up. Fatigue of the mind stays with you all day. Other symptoms include difficulty concentrating, trouble remembering conversations or the right word, and taking longer to complete projects or tasks. A serious illness can also bring on extra stress, depression, anxiety, and insomnia. All of these can affect a person’s cognition. Although I never really felt confused or had trouble remembering anything, I just had a general mental fogginess that I couldn’t quite identify. I was slower. You get used to it and just figure it’s part of the collateral damage of treatments.

Then one day, the chemo fog lifted. I remember the morning about six months out from what I thought was my final chemo back in 2012. I woke up and my mind was completely clear. It felt like information traveled faster on neural pathways. It happened again the next morning. By the third morning, I was convinced that I had met one more benchmark that life was returning to my normal.

It hadn’t, but the chemo fog was gone. Even with continual treatments over the past three plus years, I never had that sense of slower processing return. I am grateful that my thinking is as clear as ever.

Many people deal with chemo fog every day. What can a person do to help minimize chemo brain?

Stay well organized.

Make lists and follow routines. Writing important ideas down will ease any pressure to remember so much on your own. Try to keep all your notes in one place so what you’re trying to remember isn’t scattered about in several different places. Use a daily planner, your phone, or an ongoing notebook of lists. A notebook or health journal is also a good place to track chemo brain symptoms since you may discover patterns when it seems better or worse. Medications or specific situations may also affect your memory. Following a routine will help you with day-to-day schedules. Do you always pay bills on a certain weekday? Is pizza night every Tuesday? Do you have a grocery list of staple foods that you always buy? Are there specific days that you use for specific appointments? I always set up acupuncture appointments on Mondays. I spaced an appointment that I made on a Wednesday (even though it was written down) because I just didn’t go there on Wednesdays. I do well with routines, not so much with changes in those routines.

Get plenty of rest and sleep.

It’s said that driving when you’re tired is as dangerous (or more dangerous) as drunk driving. I know people who haven’t had any cancer treatments who are unable to remember much because they simply do not get enough sleep. Lack of sleep slows your brain in processing information. Sleep is important all the time, but it’s especially an important part of healing and recovery during and after cancer treatments. Appointments, errands, and work may go more smoothly if you complete some activities in the morning when you are fresher and have more energy. I wanted to walk the other evening with a friend and was simply too tired to go. I was grateful she cancelled and now I know to schedule those activities earlier in the day.

Don’t do too much.

Focus on one activity at a time. Ask for help from family and friends so you can conserve mental energy for more enjoyable endeavors or your work if you’re working. Multi-tasking doesn’t work well for someone experiencing confusion with an unreliable memory. If you know you need a whole day or two after a treatment to focus on the basics of the basics, that’s fine. There is no need to push yourself.

Play brain games.

I like word games and brain teasers. I did a lot of word puzzles and critical thinking exercises with my students. My mom and I would do jigsaw puzzles together. A few years ago, I bought the memory game Simon more out of nostalgia than any other reason, but it’s a great way to work short-term memory skills. Reading is another way I continue to work my gray matter.

Make healthy choices in terms of eating and exercise.

Veggies are better for brain health than sugar. Moving around is good for both mind and body. It can help decrease fatigue brought on from treatments. This may be a good time to put the word out to friends who have offered to help that a casserole or dinner with fruit and salad would be appreciated.

Stay tuned for a special Monday post where I continue with a few thoughts about the atmospheric fog that limits visibility. It’s a bit shorter, yet, metaphorical and worth pondering.

Consider responding:

  • What has been helpful for you or someone you know who has had chemo brain?



Categories: Change


Tags: fog, clarity, focus, chemo fog,