Nifty Fifty

Today marks my 100TH post! Numbers are significant in my life. There are lab numbers. Survivorversaries. Birthdays. I remember dates for all sorts of events in my life.

Two numbers of significance in my life are 50 and 50,000.

I will celebrate my 50th birthday in 2020.

Yes, there will be a party.

I am raising $50,000 for metastatic breast cancer research at UW Carbone to celebrate such an important milestone in my life.

Today, I take the opportunity for some self-promotion devoted to achieving my goal. I would call it selfish self-promotion, but that’s only partly true. It’s true I’d love to benefit. The funds raised will all go to research and that hopefully means many will benefit. Most of today’s blog highlights information on my fundraising page. If you haven’t seen it, today’s the day.

IMG_2485 copy

My goal: Raise $50,000 For

Stage IV Breast Cancer Research

To Celebrate My 50th Birthday

 

My Diagnosis

I have been living with cancer ever since my diagnosis on March 14, 2012. Tests, scans, and biopsies were thrown at me one after the other in quick succession to determine what stage was to be attached to my diagnosis. On April 13, 2012, the day I started chemotherapy, I learned I was stage IV.

Facts and Research

Stage IV cancer means cancer has spread, or metastasized, to an area other than the primary site where it originated. Breast cancer that is contained to the breast and is stopped there doesn’t kill people.

Metastatic cancer kills people.

The facts are:

  • 10% of patients already are stage IV upon diagnosis like I was.
  • 30% of earlier stage breast cancer patients will become metastatic.
  • There is no way of knowing whether a patient’s cancer will metastasize.
  • The bulk of breast cancer donations go toward prevention and early-stage research. The percentage of donations going toward MBC research is typically in the single digits . . . unless you know precisely where the money is directed and for what purposes. That leaves too many breast cancer patients feeling isolated, forgotten, or that our lives aren’t worth as much as early-stage lives.

Putting more funds toward research, more treatments, and more options for stage IV lifers benefits ALL breast cancer patients. 100% of donations to Nifty 50 directly benefit metastatic breast cancer research at UW Carbone.

The UW Carbone Cancer Center

Thank goodness for the UW Carbone Cancer Center. The UW Carbone Cancer Center where I receive all my care is one of the top cancer centers in the country and the only comprehensive cancer center in Wisconsin. I know I will always receive quality care and the best treatments available.

Initially, I received 12 cycles of chemotherapy for six months. I took several different anti-cancer and oral chemo pills for several years afterward. For the past three and a half years (and counting) I’ve gone back to more formal chemotherapy treatments and infusions. There have been over one hundred of these. I will have more. I need more.

My Mission

Part of my purpose is to change perceptions on stage IV cancer. People are living longer and stronger with this awful disease thanks to continued advances in cancer research . . . research that must continue.

I have created a space for myself where I focus on living in unrelenting wellness. I do my best to disregard medical timelines and ignore medical statistics. I strive to think outside the medical box and I’ve developed a mindset dedicated toward surviving, thriving, and living well with cancer. I live and lead by example. I work hard to be active whether it’s summer or winter, rain or shine.

My mom passed away from metastatic breast cancer in 2013. She would be very pleased with how well I’m doing today.

I know I will always be in treatment.

When one treatment fails me, I need to move on to another one with the hope it will be more effective and effective for longer.

Research equals hope. Research, however, is extremely expensive.

I am hopeful cancer researchers are on the cusp of making the next great breakthrough in treating, and eventually curing, breast cancer.

I am always hopeful.

Go to my Nifty 50 page to make a secure donation.

DONATE HERE

Thanks so much for your support.

Patients Have Names

I transferred from a smaller cancer clinic setting to a cancer center in a major hospital late last summer. I still believe I am getting excellent medical care.

There are some differences, differences I don’t like. They stem from the sheer newness of my experiences and the size of the cancer center. In time, the newness hopefully will feel more familiar. The gargantuan feel of the hospital maybe will feel smaller as I’ll only go where I need to be.

I’m not so sure about the size. There are two waiting rooms for labs. I’m given a pager that lights up and vibrates when it’s my turn like the ones used in restaurants when your table is ready. Sure, it’s a way to keep things moving quickly and it provides some privacy, but I have a perfectly usable first name. Then I go to another level for the breast center clinic where I wait in another waiting room. After the office visit, I trek upstairs again and get comfortable in a third waiting room where I wait for treatment. I check in at some type of reception area each time. So far, I have had moderate to long waits in each of my waiting rooms with no updates as to how much longer I’ll be waiting. I took my time between waiting rooms two and three last time and went to the germateria for lunch. I still had a good wait when I made it to the last waiting room.

I feel confident about the growing doctor-patient relationship I am developing with my new oncologist. It’s different from the one I had with my former oncologist, but it should be as she is a unique person. Oncologists are not one size fits all just as patients are not.

The treatment area is where I’m identifying more of a repetitive insensitivity issue.

It’s less personal. An identification bracelet is strapped on and it’s scanned to populate my personal information. It beeps. Every time. I hate that bracelet. It’s one of many factors that make me feel like I’m an illness. I will move past it.

I have a name and I’d like for my nurses to use it.

On my first visit there, the nurses noted it was my first treatment so I needed to be watched for a possible allergic reaction. No, it was only my first treatment at that facility. It was my 10th with this protocol and my 109th overall. For whatever reason, this important data wasn’t coming up. It’s a distinction I happen to think is worth knowing and should be correctly documented. Could just be me. Talking to me, bringing the patient’s voice into the discussion provides meaningful, not to mention accurate, information.

I know I have to give up comparing how my new place is different from my old place, but I never had to wear an ID bracelet in the old place. Everyone knew me. They took a genuine interest in me. We knew things about one another’s lives on personal levels. If an appointment needed to be changed, I was called. Here, I get a letter informing me appointments have already been changed without consulting me if the changes work for me.

Patients also have telephones by the way. It’s a good thing I’m not working and have a little more flexibility.

There’s more. Most of the nurses just swing in and out of my treatment cubicle and it’s all business. Some tell me who they are; some do not. Some are friendly; others not so much. I usually have more than just one per visit because they are running around caring for multiple patients at a time. I’ve asked for their names. My bracelet gets scanned and apparently that’s sufficient.

I have a name.

I am more than my ID bracelet. I am not a number. I am not an illness, and I am so much more than a patient. When multiple nurses shuffle in and out, it makes me feel like I’m not assigned to any nurse specifically. I feel like I’m an inanimate object on an assembly line. Truthfully, I feel a little bit that way when I have to visit three different areas on one visit. I feel that way when I’m not consulted about appointment changes. Asking if bigger is better in terms of patient care is a whole other topic.

I have had a couple of very friendly nurses. They visit with me and I do feel like I’m starting to get to know them and build connections. Personal connections and positive relationships make my health care better. I know their names. I recognize them. It helps me feel like I belong. Patients have names and it’s not unreasonable for nurses to use them. I empathize that they are spread thin and have a lot on their plate. I get that a lot is asked of them. I know from visits with my nurse friends at my old place how they are often left out of the loop with decisions that affect them. I know that more and more is being asked of them and that they have to do more with less. I know that some of these decisions don’t put the interests of the patients first. I know they referred to me as family. I felt the same and I miss them. I know all their names (Karen, Sue, the two Brookes, Kari, the two Ambers, Amanda, Sandy, Kay, Kelly, Justin, Nina, and Beth).

Is knowing a patient’s name too much to ask? I don’t think so.

As a teacher, calling a student by their name lets the student know you recognize them, that you care about them and their success, and it fosters a sense of trust. Students feel comfortable and, oh, I don’t know, it has a positive impact on learning. If I were a parent, I would not want my child to have a teacher who didn’t know their name. I would like my nurses to know who I am. I believe being recognized, feeling cared for, and trusting your healthcare providers will have a positive impact on care given and care received.

Going forward, I will be proactive and introduce myself, letting my nurses know that using my name makes me feel valued. I won’t be able to change the three different areas I visit when I’m there. I won’t be able to change how long I wait. I won’t be able to ditch the ID bracelet. I may not even be able to do much about whether nurses take my encouragement to use my name. All I can do is try.

Update: Most of this post was drafted about one month ago. My past two visits have been more positive in terms of my interactions with my treatment nurses. Situations change. I hope mine has changed for the better. I could have chosen not to publish this post, but I went ahead with it because it’s important to remember patients aren’t numbers, or statistics, or are treated like part of the equipment we are hooked up to when receiving treatment. We are people. We have feelings. We have names.

 

Sunshine Blogger Award

EElMEI9WkAA0v7o

Sunshine is synonymous with warmth. It feels good when it’s carried on a summer breeze. It’s reassuring when it makes a frigid day in winter a few degrees warmer.

And sunshine is pure Vitamin D for the soul when it takes the form of the Sunshine Blogger Award.

It is an honor to be nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award by fellow blogger Abigail Johnston of No Half Measures. We both live with metastatic breast cancer. A nomination coming from her means a lot because I have admired her work, her strength, and her honesty as I’ve gotten to know her through the bits and pieces of her life she shares.

What is the Sunshine Blogger Award?

The Sunshine Blogger Award is an award of recognition given to bloggers from fellow bloggers. It recognizes those who are creative, positive, and inspiring. It celebrates people who spread sunshine to the blogging community.

What are the Rules?

These are the rules of the Sunshine Blogger Award:

  • Thank the person who nominated you, and provide a link back to their blogging sites.
  • Answer their questions.
  • Nominate up to 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
  • Notify the nominees about their nomination via their blog or social media.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

My Answers to Abigail’s Questions

What led you to start blogging?

I love many forms of writing. I’ve written poetry, kept personal journals, and worked on picture book manuscripts. I have drafted a book about living with cancer. I brought it to completion and then I took it through more revisions than I could count. The hard part wasn’t writing it. As I began to explore how to publish it and whether to aim for a publisher or go the assisted or self-publishing route, it became clear that I needed to be more visible with whatever choice I chose. Blogging was a good fit for me to do this. It also showed I was serious about my goals and that I saw myself as a writer. What I discovered was it provided me with a way to use my voice very effectively and I enjoyed it. Blogging has made me more confident in other areas not even connected to writing. Blogging has honed my writing skills and I have become a much stronger writer. I have written a wealth of content I didn’t even know was waiting for me. I find the process and result intensely meaningful. I have connected with some amazing people.

Who is/are your childhood hero(s)?

A hero is a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. I’m not sure my childhood heroes displayed a lot of courage, noble qualities, or even had outstanding achievements. They were famous because of some quality of being super cool.

Wonder Woman comes to mind because she was independent, strong, fought for good, and was glamorous. She also had the lasso of truth and the invisible jet!

Dorothy Gale from the Wizard of Oz is an unassuming hero. She discovered truth and strength in herself and in friendships. She faced many obstacles and got through all of them.

Wonder Woman and Dorothy are not real. In real life, my grandma was my hero. Every fiber of that woman was good.

Who are the people in your life with the most influence?

Hmmmm . . . this is tough as there are many. I feel my parents still influence me even though they both are deceased. Teachers I have worked with and children I have taught have influenced me in innumerable ways. My dear friends with whom I can confide in and share anything with influence me with their wisdom and support. My fitness coach has changed how I exercise and think about moving and being strong. Undoubtedly, it will sound like I have a very healthy ego, but I would also say I am the person with the most influence in my life. With both of my parents being gone, I’ve grown to understand I am on my own, I am responsible for me, and I have the most invested in my choices and outcomes. No one else should have more power or influence over an individual than the individual.

If you could go back in time to meet one person, who would it be? Why?

My first thought was I’d go back and meet a younger me so I could warn myself that my future held breast cancer and then I could stop it. How? I didn’t do anything to cause it. Science doesn’t have it all figured out. There is no action I could possibly have taken. My second thought was that I’d like to go back in time and meet an ancestor I never knew but who had an impact on influencing the trajectory of my destiny. I believe we are influenced by ancestors we’ve never met because of the effect they had on our parents and grandparents who in turn influenced us.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I’m happy where I am. When I’ve entertained thoughts of moving, I think about places in or near a medium-sized city where I can get away easily. I love mountain and forest settings. Perhaps I would wind up near Yellowstone National Park surrounded by blue lakes, wildflower meadows, mountains, and wildlife.

What is your favorite book and why?

My most recent favorite is hands down Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. It combines a mystery, emotion, an original story, and absolutely beautiful writing. It’s one I want to reread and relish the stellar storytelling again.

What is the most memorable thing about you?

I have no idea. I’ve never had to remember me before. I get a lot of comments about my kind heart. I’ll go with that as my memorable thing.

Look at the most recent picture on your phone and tell us what it is and why you took the picture.

Ugh! It’s a boring photo of a letter from an insurance company. I needed to take it so I could verify payments I made to submit for reimbursements. I wish it could have been more exciting because nature photography is something I enjoy throughout the year.

Dogs or cats? Why?

Dogs. I had always wanted a cat because of all the kittens I played with when up at my grandma’s farm. My sister pushed for a dog. My family got a dog when I was in fourth grade and that was it for me. My heart swelled with love for a sweet little cockapoo who was affectionate, endearing, and a reliable companion.

What was the most difficult conversation you’ve ever had and why?

Health conversations continue to be at the top of my list. The most difficult was not even about me, but with my mom when she was in her final days. There was pain, sadness, and grief.

What one word sums up 2019 so far for you?

HOPE. So many of my thoughts and actions keep coming back to hope I’ve been given, hope I have, and my path not to give up hope.

My nominations for the Sunshine Blogger Award

A lot of bloggers I read already have been nominated for this award. Abigail’s blog is one of my favorites that I look forward to reading. I don’t think there is a rule about only receiving it once, after all, people receive more than one Oscar. I see being nominated more than once as another opportunity to highlight that blogger’s work. However, I also hope to spread the sunshine and warmth to others. Some of my nominations are for bloggers whose work simply makes me happy, some are an important voice for those who have cancer, some teach me new things, some inspire. Drumroll please . . . my nominees for the Sunshine Blogger Award are . . .

Holly Marie

Annie Forest

Dr. Perry 

Jet Eliot

Cindy Knoke

Val Boyko

Heather Stoker

Cathy Leman

Ilene Kaminsky

Pink Stinks

Surviving Breast Cancer

My Questions For My Nominees

  • What is your favorite dessert and why?
  • Who was your favorite teacher (K-12) and why?
  • What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?
  • When was the last time you laughed really hard? What caused it?
  • What do you enjoy most about the writing process?
  • Where (or when) do you feel happiest?
  • Where in life do you find inspiration?
  • When did you feel like a grown-up?
  • If you could fix one problem in the world, what would it be?
  • Who would you invite to a dinner party if you could choose 5 famous people living today? Short reasons for each would be welcomed.
  • What is one word you can use to describe yourself? No need to explain unless you feel it’s needed.

Let the sun shine in summer and in winter.

Let it emanate from our inner being outward.

Let it shine through our words and blogs.

Find a way for it to shine. Always.

The New Abnormal

Those diagnosed with any form of cancer immediately are thrust into a world known as “the new normal.”

It is anything but normal.

“The new abnormal” would be a better name.

Normal will never happen again for me. My reality of attempting some form of normal for the last seven years doesn’t mean life is normal for me. It means I’ve learned how to exist in crazy. Maybe I should refer to present-day life as my old crazy because I’ve existed this way for so long. The new normal phrase has always rubbed me the wrong way because normal was ripped away and replaced with nothing of the sort.

Is calling what I do the new normal supposed to somehow make me feel normal? It doesn’t. Instead, it makes me feel like I can’t even do the new normal normally. Is it meant to make me or others feel better? It doesn’t make me feel better. I’m not sure if it makes others feel better. It potentially minimalizes what I do in the eyes of others. It invalidates my struggles in what really is abnormal because of the language that this is the norm.

The new abnormal is a topsy-turvy world of back and forth. It’s a world of opposites. I have felt wonderful and miserable.

I’ve gained and lost weight even though my level of exercise has remained about the same.

I’ve had my share of down days plagued with fatigue and others with more steroid induced energy than I know what to do with.

I’ve had no appetite and other times where I’ve eaten everything in sight.

Diarrhea. Constipation. One word sentences here are fine.

The medical world is a potpourri of repeating abnormalities. There are more one word or near one word sentences coming.

Labs. Office visits. Treatments. Side effects. Repeat.

Scans. Anxiety. Regrouping. Repeat.

I call insurance companies and billing departments far more often than is necessary. I rarely did when my life was supposedly normal.

I’ve gotten to feel at home with nausea. Ondansetron works well for me when it hits.

I’ve gotten to feel at home with many other drugs and supplements. I know what works for me and what doesn’t. I know my body well. I think I have finally broken through and convinced my team NOT to give me one particular drug used during MRIs that causes a worsening reaction. Every office visit begins with a review of my long list of medications.

How is any of that normal whether it’s the new routine or not?

In between all of this complete abnormalness are all the attempts to squeeze in any normal moments that are possible. ME time. I exercise and plan activities I enjoy that will keep me moving. Time with family and friends fill in normal moments. Football season has started. Go Badgers! Special occasions are sprinkled into my schedule when possible. There still is meaningful work that matters to me. Whereas my schedule had always been fairly rigid, I love the flexibility I now have. Being able to focus on purposeful work has been one part of my new abnormal that feels pretty close to my old normal.

The only constants are change and the need to live in the moment. Cancer has taught me lessons in change repeatedly. I am more present. It’s why I like #NotTodayCancer so well because I can be pretty definite about certain things as I go through my day.

The new normal is not the right term for how I live. Life is abnormal. Calling my life permanently abnormal is the best fit.

What even is normal?

Living in the Storm

The role of a teacher is important and valuable. A teacher’s influence is still seen years later. Students return to say hello, to thank you, to hug you, and to say they made it. It’s the best kind of recognition a teacher can receive. I enjoy seeing former students. The oldest students I taught must be around thirty-five or thirty-six years old by now. For the record, I’ve taught around 543 students. Admittedly, those numbers make me feel old, but it’s a good old because I loved teaching. Working with children brought me immense joy and sometimes it drove me crazy. There were good days and hard days as are inevitable when over twenty children were put together on a daily basis.

I remember one student of mine who had very troubling years getting through elementary school. He was violent and destructive. He scared children. He scared adults if I’m being honest. Staff eventually learned some of his trigger words and actions that foreshadowed he was close to losing whatever control he had of himself. One such signal was if he suddenly started clucking like a chicken. He was a teacher to us in that way. We all wondered if he would make it through middle and high school. He did. He returned with other graduating seniors several years ago to visit. We talked and he struck me as happy and excited about his future. He had plans to attend a community college and learn a trade. He told another teacher that he was better now. Elementary school held a positive place in his heart even though it was excruciating for him. He wouldn’t have returned if we hadn’t mattered.

Curriculum is significant, but HOW teachers teach it and the connections we make while doing so are even more important. I always thought my two largest roles as a teacher were to help my students become critical thinkers and to teach them to be kind to one another. Knowing how to think and be kind will positively impact the world more than knowing a lot about numbers, science, or words (all of which are amazingly awesome on their own).

I am finally getting to how all of this connects to storms. Life has storms. We need to know how to think and be kind when one of life’s storms comes our way. Storms are teachers.

Poems also are powerful teachers. Writers create images that stick with people for different reasons. Mark Nepo is a poet and spiritual advisor who has taught poetry and spirituality for over thirty years. He has written fourteen books and has a wide following. He also is a cancer survivor. His poem titled Behind the Thunder weaves together ideas of learning to be strong without losing yourself. I believe its point is that an event can change you but that you don’t give yourself over to it. At its core, the poem is about resilience.

 

Behind the Thunder

~ Written by Mark Nepo

 

I keep looking for one more teacher,

only to find that fish learn from water

and birds learn from the sky.

If you want to learn about the sea,

it helps to be at sea.

If you want to learn about compassion,

it helps to be in love.

If you want to learn about healing,

it helps to know of suffering.

 

The strong live in the storm

without worshipping the storm.

 

pexels-photo-1530423
Image credit: pexels.com

 

Cancer is one bleeping kind of a storm.

And no, I can’t use the word I’d like to use after a poem written by Mark Nepo.

It wouldn’t be right.

What a storm it is. It has drenched me. I have lived with this storm. Like a fish that has learned from water, and like birds that have learned from the sky, I have learned from the storm. I have suffered, but I feel I have also learned a little about healing. This is what the storm as a teacher has taught me:

pexels. rain-boots-umbrella-wet
Image credit: pexels.com 
  • It’s better to exist in the storm from a place of healing rather than a place of suffering.
  • The storm has made me stronger than I knew I could be.
  • The storm hasn’t broken me. It won’t. It can’t destroy my soul.
  • Cancer has been a rather cruel and unrelenting teacher, but effective. Maybe it intended to turn me bitter and negative, but it failed. Through it, I have learned about joy, kindness, peace, and gratitude.
  • Just because I live in a storm doesn’t mean I’m a human lightning rod. I will protect myself seeking shelter and sanctuary in whatever way I can.
  • The storm has not made me ugly. I am more beautiful than ever. Living in this stupid storm has taught me how to finally embrace and recognize my beauty.
  • There are some who will never understand how I think or feel about this storm. It’s okay. I don’t understand myself a lot of the time anyway.
  • Others live in similar storms. We can support one another and learn together.
  • There will be more storms.
  • I am resilient.

Thunder can’t hurt me.

It’s the lightning that’s the problem.

I’m still learning.

 

Consider responding:

What lessons have you learned from living in a storm?

Blogging Anniversary

Happy Anniversary!

Finding A Way – Living with Cancer while Living Well – officially is one year old. I am amazed at how much I’ve written and have grown as a writer. It is a good time to review the year and make goals for moving forward.

In the beginning, I wrote about what I searched for in order to be my best. I sought to find ways to increase my strength and stamina. I wanted to stay motivated and never give up my belief that I am healthy. I planned to lead and live by example. I’ve always searched for purpose and meaning in my life.

I am interested in finding joy, positivity, strength, and hope. Finding A Way involves living with cancer while living well. I wanted to achieve this for myself but also hoped that by writing some of my thoughts and story that I would be able to help others find their way. My intention has always been that anyone reading could come away with something to apply to his or her life whether that person had cancer or not.

Strength and hope are two themes I’ve spent a lot of time on. I suspect they will continue to be common themes for posts. Other themes I plan to explore more deeply are identity, fear, trust, perspectives, and change. I enjoy exploring topics through story, metaphors, and when using narrative lends itself to showing these concepts in action. Using these elements provide a visual hook for me and tends to solidify meaning. I remember things better when I have a story attached or have made a personal connection.

Health and exercise have been and will continue to be repetitive threads in my posts.

Frustrations (and perhaps positive experiences) of my interactions with the medical world as I navigate it from my position as a patient may become more common.

I plan to continue posting positive quotes on Wednesdays to add a bright spot into people’s weeks.

My most viewed post was Stage V and Kardashian Power. I have never watched the reality show or follow them in the news. My intention to live and lead by example and change perceptions, definitions, and conversations around metastatic cancer is still a main goal of mine. I know what the statistics say regarding metastatic breast cancer but I still choose to live with a mindset that has moved past the confining medical constraints and live in expectation with my own. I continue to be surprised at what appeals to people. I find it absolutely hysterical that my most liked post was Exercise and Nutrition. At last count, it had 31 likes. I’m so not an expert.

I don’t feel like I’m an expert in anything. I just write about my feelings and how I’m trying to live well with cancer.

I’ve looked over my posts and have identified some of my favorites. I have many! These are listed below and you may click on any of them if you’d like to look back and reminisce. If you are a new reader, I hope they provide insight into what I write about, how I think, and that you enjoy them. I may repost some of these that I want to highlight again. They are still relevant. There is no need to reinvent the wheel if the wheel I’ve created still rolls well.

Fires, Tigers, and Trees

Why I like Men in Kilts

Tennis and Life: A Resilient Match

Hope, Belief, and A Monthly Planner

Alabama Alligators and Being Normal

Empathy and Cancer

Hiking and Invisible Crutches

When Your Oncologist Leaves

Pelican Lessons

Taking Risks and Ospreys

I plan to continue to write about my life. I invite you to follow along as a subscriber on WordPress by clicking on the gray or blue “Follow” button, or become an email subscriber and receive an email notification whenever I post something new. Please also remember to like a post if you enjoyed it. Comments are always welcomed. I encourage you to leave one. The prompts I provide at the end of some posts are only a guide.

I appreciate you all as readers and taking the time to read my words. Your emotional support means a lot to me. I wish each of you the very best on your search to find a way, as I keep searching for mine.

Find a way.

Always.

Consider responding:

  • What have been favorite posts you’ve enjoyed as a reader?
  • What topics or themes would you like to read about in the future?

Defining Success

“She’s done it all.”

I heard this comment a while back referring to a TV personality. She has written songs and books. She’s written a movie, starred in it, and directed one. She’s co-hosted two morning TV shows. She had a lasting marriage, is a mother, and seems to be loved by many friends. I don’t know her, yet I get the feeling she returns that love back to friends and strangers.

She is talented. I like her.

You may even correctly guess this person’s identity. I’m purposely not going to name her because that really isn’t the point. It could be many people. Those in the public eye often achieve a level of success and celebrity because they are so visible in the public eye. Opportunities and connections come to them like bees to honey. Opportunities and connections are wonderful, as are bees and honey. Nothing is wrong with any of those things.

What I want to write about is success.

How is success defined?

Does success mean doing it all?

It certainly can.

But I haven’t done most of the things this woman has done and I am still successful.

I have family and friends who love me and I love them back.

I established myself in a career I loved where I was respected and made a difference. I feel that overall I was liked and had a good reputation. I worked hard over many years to earn that respect and reputation.

I have traveled extensively including all 50 states and 26 countries.

I have a beautiful home.

I have interests that allow me to grow while still feeling whole.

I see beauty in people and places.

I even have a few books and songs. Unpublished for now. I’d love to see that change with the books. The world may be better off without the songs. Lucky ones have heard these.

Each individual has his or her own definition of success. For a long time, the most familiar model for success meant money and power in the business world. Success was measured with a dollar sign. You were more admired if you held immense power. Popularity was an important indicator of success. You knew you had made it in the world if everyone knew your name. It mattered who you knew and how well connected you were. Success was defined by money and possessions.

Of course, life isn’t this way for most people. I suppose the above description does match a definition of success for a few. The fictitious George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life beautifully demonstrates how someone who doesn’t fit the above description still embodies success. He’s even the richest man in town because he has qualities that matter more than money or power.

Success to me means being loved and feeling happy. I have both of those.

Success means being healthy. I would love not to have cancer. But I do. I am thankful for the health I do have. I can’t feel defeated or unsuccessful when I always try. Some things are out of my hands.

Health means a lot. Life changes when a person has lost their health, mobility, or independence due to an injury or illness. I now live with one of those pre-existing conditions. I’m on Medicare. I receive disability. I can’t take long trips like I once did because of a revolving door of medical appointments. When I do travel someplace, I pack a traveling pharmacy. I try to keep up but need to do less sometimes. A lot has changed. Many health dominoes have toppled over much earlier for me than I thought they would if they toppled at all. The thing with dominoes is that when one domino falls, others do, too. I took my relatively good health before cancer for granted. When a person has good health, they do have everything. I still have a lot, but life is different.

Feeling happy and healthy are the two forces that guide any feelings of success I have.

I am not “doing it all.” Having/Doing it all means different things to different people. It’s all relative to an individual. If I don’t have what someone else has does it mean I am lacking, or vice versa if the situation is reversed? My goals are to be as happy and as healthy as I can be. I still want to get up in the morning with the intention to somehow be helpful if possible and to live joyfully. I want to go to sleep at night with the satisfaction that I succeeded.

Take a moment and think of a time when you felt successful. What had you done? How did you feel?

I’ll give a few examples that may trigger some ideas.

One of my extracurricular activities in high school was forensics. I was a storyteller. Although I never came in first at a meet, I did place well enough to earn a trophy once. The trophy wasn’t all that important. I felt successful in retelling a story so well that I painted a picture with only my words and captured my audience. I also felt extremely successful that I never passed out during a telling. I had a wide range of standards to define success in those days.

I also am privileged to present a small scholarship to a graduating high school student who plans to major in education. It isn’t much, but it’s important for me to be able to give back. I feel successful that I can support someone’s dream in a small way. Still feeling connected to the educational community also makes me feel successful.

Reaching goals enable a person to feel successful. When I finish a hike or a bike ride I feel successful because I have completed something from start to finish. When I’m able to lift more weight or meet a new benchmark in my training sessions I feel successful because I know I have made progress. Goals can be small to still feel successful. I know someone who had a brief stay in the hospital and needed to move around more even though it was painful to walk far. She told me one of the nurses saw her making a slow lap around the halls on the floor. Afterward, the nurse came into her room and made three boxes on the whiteboard where general notes were written about diet, meds, and other plans. She checked off one box for one lap and told my friend she needed to do two more that day. My friend confided in me she really didn’t want to because walking hurt and she was so slow. But those empty boxes stared at her waiting to be crossed off. The boxes were such small things, but very motivating. She did what she had to do. She simply crossed them off without walking to make it look like she had done the work. No, she didn’t, but I wouldn’t have put it past her. She did two more laps, each one faster than the last. She was very pleased with herself. I was proud of her.

No money, fame, or power were in any of these examples. Success truly came from a place of happiness, being able to help, and being healthy enough to get something done.

As long as I can find a way to feel happy, helpful, and healthy, I will be successful.

I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts on how you define success.