Accepting Help


Help me if you can, I’m feeling down

And I do appreciate you bein’ round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won’t you please, please help me, help me


The Beatles

I need help.

I am at a cancer crossroads. Either I continue on as I am, in worsening pain. I’m managing though pain pills here and here. Last month I scarcely needed any of this. Or I can pursue a different path. A path where help is available. One where I’m not on my own. This would be the path of Agrace.

Agrace has loads of palliative support. I have not contacted them yet.

I need help getting up and down from a seating position.

I need help with food preparation. I need help eating.

I need help cleaning. I have a person for this.

I need help finding a in home massage therapist. Why, I’d sign-up with Agrace for this benefit alone. Right now I go for a massage twice a week.

I wobble. It takes me a few moments to stabilize when I stand. Then I bumble around a bit. My legs have buckled twice. I don’t want this when I’m on the stairs. I don’t want it anywhere.

Now I find I get winded walking in from the parking lot. I need a handicapped parking pass. The paperwork has been filled out. It will make my life easier. It will also take some getting used to that I need one. Today I requested a wheelchair for my PET exam. I was already breathing hard and I knew I had quite a distance to cover to get to the machines.

I need help writing this blog.

Accepting help is hard for me. I’ve always been on my own and fiercely independent.

I think of former students who were helpers. They loved helping others. Others loved being helped. As a child, I was one of these helpers. I was an adult too. But I don’t like being helped present day. What changed? Cancer. Cancer changes everything. Receiving help somehow it makes me feel lesser. Help right now makes me feel sick. But I need it to feel better.

When do I have time? This week is packed with medical appointments. There is no time to connect with Agrace. It will have to be a December thing.

A good friend reminded me of what Mr. Rogers said recently.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. ‘”

Fred Rogers

I have become one of those who need help. I hope I can still find ways to give it. We all need help from time to time. Another good friend says it’s time for me to accept payback for all the help I’ve given. We’ll see how it goes.

Is accepting help easy for you or not? Why or why not?

Author: Kristie Konsoer

I've been living well with metastatic breast cancer since 2012. This blog is a place where I can share thoughts and ideas on cancer, how I feel perceptions of cancer must change, and how I am finding a way to live with strength, hope, meaning, resiliency, humor, and hopefully a little wisdom.

22 thoughts on “Accepting Help”

  1. Kristie, I’m so sorry to hear this news from you. It seems like a rapidly developed series of difficulties. I hope you know the reasons and can get some relief.
    I can tell from your writings that you’ve always helped others, so it’s surely your turn to seek and secure the help you need.

    Sending you my healing thoughts and caring virtual support.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such a courageous and honest post. I understand a little as I had to accept help during my treatments. I needed help with just about everything. It was really odd and strange. I hope the helpers come to your aid. Much love xxxxx


  3. Accepting help has been one of my biggest struggles after being diagnosed with mbc. It sucks to need other people, to lose independence. Not everyone is good at offering help without it becoming condescending or controlling. Even those who are employed as helpers don’t always do it well.

    And yet, when we reach out for help, I’ve found that it relieves so much pressure. When help is offered and received in love and gratitude, it can transform you and your relationships.

    I hope you find the help you need, my friend, and are able to adjust to these new side effucks that sound just awful. 🥴😢. Sending love and hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. My dear Kristie, you already know that I feel you are so very deserving of help. And I am here supporting you and sending love, as always. It will be the greatest show of your strength to accept the help you need. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m so sorry about your pain, Kristie. You have given so much by your writing, and it’s not easy to always be the provider. But I understand it’s not easy asking for help. For me, being a man is part of my problem. We like to pretend we are strong, independent and capable of solving our own problems. And when it comes to our health, we don’t want to admit our suffering and tend to avoid the doctor. But I have since learned that asking for help allows your loved ones to make a difference and participate more in your life. Even still, it’s not easy to ask for help. I’m thinking about you, my friend, and I hope you get relief from your pain. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Gogs, you are so kind. You make an excellent point about the hardships o of the provider. I see the doctor a lot. It’s asking for help from others that is difficult, but I have jumped that hurdle with most people. Take care, Gogs.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Kristie,

    I’m really sorry you’re experiencing worsening pain and are at a crossroads. I hope you get relief. I don’t know why asking for help is so hard. I love and agree with the idea that accepting help is a sign of strength and a gift to yourself and others. You and your writing are certainly a gift to all who read your words. So, you most certainly remain a helper too. Don’t ever doubt that.

    Best of luck with all those appointments this week and may you find all the help you need. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Kristie,
    Praying just the right people are put in place to help you. I’m sure it must be challenging and I agree with others as it is a gift to others to allow them to help. You continue to be an amazing writer. Wish I was closer. . .


  8. This is heartbreaking to read. I’m so very sorry, Kristie. I wish you weren’t going through this. I wish you weren’t suffering in this way. I pray that you will ask for the help you need, and get the help you need. You didn’t mind helping others when you were strong, and in a different place. Others will want to help you too. You are a gift just by being yourself. You have no idea how much you help, inspire, and encourage others through your blog. I just feel so moved by your post … Sending you a big hug.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Such a candid post, Kristie. I don’t think many of us likes asking for help. Sometimes though, I believe it’s best to ask while the choice is still in your hands. That in itself keeps the power with you. Why not give it a try? It may make a huge difference for you.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: