Waking up to sunshine
feels good.
My soul is warm
from sleep.
I am rested.
I was away from cancer
if only in my dreams.
What would a day,
an honest to goodness
waking day,
be like away from cancer?
No lab numbers to think about.
No office visits
or treatments.
No waiting rooms
with the
disquieting
discomfort
that there are so many others
quietly waiting
and doing what I do
regularly.
No appointments
to schedule.
No scans or tests.
No pharmacies.
No new scripts.
No refills.
No hassles.
I wouldn’t have to take any
medications or
supplements
that may or
may not
help.
No side effects
to manage
for just one day.
No MyChart.
No waiting for answers
to questions that only
raise more
questions
or cause
more
angst.
I would be absent from
Twitter,
Facebook,
Instagram,
and WordPress.
The TV would be off all day.
I wouldn’t be subjected to
commercials for
Ibrance,
Piqray,
Verzenio,
Kisqali,
or the latest
metastatic breast cancer
drug.
I wouldn’t have to see a character
portrayed with cancer
with misinformation or
one who doesn’t match
my reality.
There is
always
something
to remind me.
A day off
would mean
ZERO
reminders
that I
live
with
metastatic breast cancer.
My mind
would need to be
wiped clean of my
knowledge and
memories
of having it
and of its existence.
Because I remember.
Because I am never away.
My only
break is
in my dreams
that aren’t real
and that are quickly
forgotten.
I don’t get a day off.
I get day
after day
after day . . .
And I’m still
here.
And I’m still
grateful.
Finding A Way 
😢
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It is okay to feel sad. There are times I feel deep sadness so I am not going to tell you not to feel sad if that is how you feel. I wrote to reflect my reality. There is much gratitude in my reality and I chose the final word of this post (grateful) for a reason. Poems are wordscapes of emotion.
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