Balance and Tightropes

A hush falls over the crowd. Lights are dimmed and all eyes in the big top are fixed upward. Suspenseful music keeps everyone in a trance where they don’t dare look away. A man dressed in a white leotard and a billowing white blouse inches across a wire. He holds a long pole stretching out at each side to help establish some sense of equilibrium. Finally, he makes it to the other side. The man bows dramatically to the applauding audience below, but he isn’t finished. He attaches a small round disc to a pole that rises up over his head. An equally bedazzled woman climbs onto his shoulders and positions herself on the circle where she exhibits grace (as well as a lot of trust to her partner) while performing carefully orchestrated yoga poses while the man makes his way back to where he started. The two execute a carefully choreographed dance in a beautiful example of synchronicity, faith, and above all else . . . balance.

Tight rope walkers balance beautifully and skillfully. Their world is high above on a thin steel wire. They make their work look effortless. From below, their balancing act is often stressful to watch.

Our tightrope walkers take their time because it matters to be careful and pay attention to detail. It takes training to do it right. It also takes training for us to walk our metaphorical tightropes successfully. Finding balance in day to day life can be as challenging as on the hire wire.

Finding balance is all about figuring out what you value and then aligning your activities and time spent on those values.

I am clear on what I value and have successfully matched those values to chosen activities. It’s tougher to manage my time so I stay balanced and am not overwhelmed.

Finding balance while living with cancer challenges me almost daily. It seems these days treatment and health appointments are scheduled almost weekly. I spend time on some aspect of fundraising for more metastatic breast cancer research almost every day. Focusing on it can consume a lot of my time. It is exciting, worthwhile, and entirely my choice. It also stresses me out.

How do I fix it? I won’t stop my fundraising efforts. I am getting good results even though it is taking a lot of time. Hard work and effort yield positive results. The solution could involve less blogging, but I don’t want this to be the case. Oncology medical stuff gets a lot of my time. Both blogging and fundraising are taking the majority of the time I have left. I’m not balanced. FYI – if there is a week where I do not post, I am more than fine. It means I just needed a break. Something has to give. It isn’t going to be me.

Spending more time in nature is going to be a conscious effort on my part.

Reading is going to be scheduled, which makes me feel a little too structured, but I need to do it in order to create more balance.

Working out will continue to be a priority.

I am going to schedule downtime and just BE.

Doing some sort of meditative practice again will help. Even if it’s only five minutes a day, the benefits will affect everything else.

Accepting help will also be good. I can think of two examples where I recently did this and I was okay not controlling everything.

One powerful word that I’ve found to give me more personal balance is the word NO. Leave work at work. Respectfully decline an invitation if you have no other plans than not having any other plans. It’s perfectly acceptable to say no without having to explain or justify your reasons. Not explaining is freeing. It goes something like this: “No, I can’t make it. Thank you.” It’s polite and firm. It’s worth asking why anyone really needs more information if you have already said no.

“Balance is not better time management, but rather better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.” ~ Betsy Jacobson

Holding boundaries I have set with others will absolutely help me achieve more personal balance. Boundaries define what I will accept from others. They reflect how I show love to myself. When I apply the idea of boundary management to myself,  I still believe there is time management involved. How I choose to spend my time and energy is important.

Balance is a mixture of boundaries, priorities, choices, and time. How much of my day is reasonable to dedicate to writing and fundraising? My plans are to exercise in the morning, do whatever my work is that day in the afternoon, read at night. Yes, I’ll need to be flexible, but one day isn’t going to be consumed by anything – unless it’s a medical day. Those are still pretty consuming.

Squirrels know how to balance really well. Those darn creatures scamper across telephone poles with speed and ease. What makes this so? Does the squirrel lead a balanced life? I’ve always thought it must be rather monotonous. All they do is dig and bury things, chase one another, and run on wires. They dash out into roads and dart out of traffic just in time. They try to get into my squirrel proof bird feeder to no avail. Is this the squirrel version of work, play, and risk-taking? Maybe they have it all figured out.

I don’t think squirrels know more than I do. My brain is considerably bigger. I think the telephone wire is much like the sidewalk. It’s all proportional. I don’t fall off the sidewalk just as the squirrel doesn’t fall from the wire. But I still feel like I lose my balance from time to time.

We all lose our balance. It’s inevitable, and when it happens, it’s important to reset to your own vibration and needs and not to someone else’s. A person living well with cancer will be balanced differently from someone else. I know I keep searching for an answer on how this best works for me. It changes a lot.

The goal of finding balance is not to be a tight rope walker walking without a net and balancing someone on your shoulders while juggling bowling balls. The goal of finding balance should be to be mindful of what you are choosing to do with your time and feeling a lightness with those choices. I want to stay in that space where balance and lightness meet. Some call it peace. Some call it happiness. Some call it breathing. It all circles back to loving self-care so you don’t have to feel like you’re walking on a tightrope. Leave that balancing act to the professionals.

Author: Kristie Konsoer

I am a breast cancer survivor, living well with MBC since 2012. This blog is a place where I can share thoughts and ideas on how I feel perceptions on cancer must change, and how I am finding a way to live with strength, hope, meaning, resiliency, humor, and hopefully a little wisdom, all while living with what I call a Stage V lifestyle. For me, there is no Stage IV. I am Stage V. I am powerful, I am well, and I am relentless.

2 thoughts on “Balance and Tightropes”

  1. Exquisite article, Kristie! Loved it for so many reasons! This is my favorite: “I am going to schedule downtime and just BE.” And your commentary on saying “no”, fabulous: “It’s worth asking why anyone really needs more information if you have already said no.” Why do I feel like I need to give an excuse! So love that!

    And the squirrels…how DO you actually have a bird-feeder that keeps squirrels out? We go through at least $50 of bird food per month, and I’m quite sure that 80% of that goes to those pesky, in my opinion, animals!

    Your writing is amazing, Kristie! Love you…

    Like

    1. Downtime is hard. Stuff creeps in easily. No is a perfectly good word and complete sentence on its own. As for the birdfeeder, it’s one where the squirrel falls off and can’t reach it from nearby branches. Good luck with yours!

      Like

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