Dodgeball

I was consistently the next to last child to be picked for teams back in grade school when that was still deemed an acceptable way to form teams in physical education class. I’m not sure what great minds came up with it or chose to enforce it year after year, but I was reminded a few times weekly of my low skill level with little intervention to teach me what I failed to figure out on my own.

Dodgeball was always a popular game back in my youth. I never lasted very long as a player. I wasn’t expected to, and it was a group game where no one expected much of me. It was a game for the tough boys who took no account for their classmates as they knocked others out one by one. The game incorporated agility, coordination, running, jumping, catching, throwing, and of course, dodging. I did none of these things well. I quickly was pegged out and spent most of the time watching those who the game was made for strut their stuff and whip balls at one another with a force and meanness that communicated you better not mess with them.

There were two sides. Catching balls or hitting someone with one sent the intended person to the prison. There were three bowling pins that needed protection. These marked the far border at the end of your team’s side. The game was over when either the opposing team had knocked down those three pins or all of the players had been knocked out due to their lack of dodging or thrown balls had been caught. Those in prison could be set free if someone lobbed a ball over all the others and someone on your team in prison caught it.

There is one distinct memory I have of dodgeball in gym class from about the sixth grade. Somehow, I was the last player standing on my side. It wasn’t due to skill on my part. I just hadn’t been knocked out yet. The other team had everyone still playing. None of their players were in prison. The sides usually weren’t ever that uneven. How was this scenario possible? But I was alone and had to guard the one remaining pin. I was an underdog if there ever was one.

Most of the balls were on my side. The other side had two left. Out of kindness, they waited for me to get into position before deliberately firing a ball at me. It wasn’t a great strategy on their part, but whatever. Although not an athlete, I was a smart cookie even in my youth. I positioned myself in front of the remaining pin and squatted down like a catcher behind home plate. I was going to protect my pin and in doing so make myself a smaller target. I held out my arms and waited for the incoming balls.

They took turns throwing the ball straight at me. Why? Dodgeball is not a polite game! Another tactical error on the other team’s part. It prolonged the game. I wouldn’t be able to catch two balls at once, let alone one. Ball one came straight at me. It hit me and my arms instinctively wrapped around it. I caught it! Unbelievable!

There was only one ball left. The gymnasium was quiet as the second ball was thrown straight at me.

By some miracle, I caught it again!

All the balls were now on my side. Two of their players were in prison. One pin was left standing. It was up to me. My next move would either free everyone on my side and extend the game or end it by another player catching my attempt.

The game ended.

I learned a few things that day.

Use my head.

Play strategically.

Never give up.

Do my best.

I learned I could catch things other than colds and drifts.

Fast forward to the present. Lately, I feel like I’m in a game of dodgeball with a few stressors that inconveniently want to converge all at once. Appointments. Scans. Social opportunities developing all at the same time. A broken water heater. Appointments rescheduled. Several excellent fundraising opportunities and all the work to put into their details to favor their success. Any moments I think I have carved out for me, somehow disappear. Keeping up with regular household responsibilities frustrates me because they just never end.

I dodge.

As soon as I dodge one something, another two or three materialize. I never get ahead.

More dodging.

I have learned how to dodge like a professional.

Dodgeball isn’t a team sport. It never was for me. My memories of it, of physical education class in general, showcased the natural athletes without really taking time to teach the rest of us.

I can dodge today until the cows come home. I have acquired high skills in avoiding topics I don’t want to discuss by switching topics, diverting attention, and being honest that I don’t want to talk about something and won’t talk about something when dodging fails. Dodging doesn’t get me where I’m going as quickly if I’m ducking to avoid being hit by incoming matter.

Dodging isn’t my game. I don’t like people throwing things at me. I am not a runner. I am still a pretty good catcher. Time should not be spent dodging or preparing to be hit by intentionally thrown objects whether those objects come in the form of words, behaviors, or round rubber gym balls.

Dodging doesn’t give me what I need.

I need more uninterrupted time for me.

How?

I work out. I can focus on self-improvement one hundred percent whether strength training, working on flexibility, agility, balance, functional movements, and other realms of fitness. I build on what I know how to do, challenge myself, meet goals, and repeat.

My friends, reading, writing, exercising, and delegating tasks are all effective moves I have to dodge stress. Even doing something new is a way to reset. Giving myself some structured quiet time, watching a candle flame blur, listening to music, and meditating are almost forgotten luxuries that simply need to be prioritized again.

We all need to find ways to dodge life’s stressors and find that priceless time to dedicate to our well-being. Being on guard in a perpetual game of dodgeball is not a healthy choice. Waiting to be taken out by the next ball cancer whips at me is not how I am planning to spend time. I will not be tense, stressed, and feel like I am always dodging some unknown or dreaded event. It is tough for me to escape mentally. My fear reflex flinches almost daily. I have better things to do. Dodging keeps me away from what I want to do.

It’s funny when I think back to that moment in gym class when it was up to me to decide what would happen next in the dodgeball game. I really thought I had a chance to get the ball to my teammates. I did have a chance, just not a good one. Many instances mirror that in real life, especially when living with cancer. I believe I still have a chance. Belief motivates. Belief sees me through. No longer a child, I am stronger now and not as afraid of being hit with an incoming ball. I hope not to flinch as easily as I move forward. Sometimes I will dodge, and sometimes I’ll hit my targets with precision and force. It’s time I hurl balls at a few things I’d like to knock out of my way. Offense is a good defense.

Author: Kristie Konsoer

I am a breast cancer survivor, living well with MBC since 2012. This blog is a place where I can share thoughts and ideas on how I feel perceptions on cancer must change, and how I am finding a way to live with strength, hope, meaning, resiliency, humor, and hopefully a little wisdom, all while living with what I call a Stage V lifestyle. For me, there is no Stage IV. I am Stage V. I am powerful, I am well, and I am relentless.

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